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9/29

정
정재원
241222
What makes a relationship last?
I've been thinking a lot about the nature of long-lasting relationships lately. Some relationships end as quickly as they were hot, and some relationships, even though they don't like each other that much, last a long time because of mutual interests. If that's the case, can we say that the person who met you the longest is a friend who is a deeper friend?
What is the essence of being close and a lifelong relationship? I heard that there are three types of attachment relationships among people. I heard that the secure type is the type that believes in the eternity of love but does not rely too much on the other person and gives love. But is love really eternal? Isn't the secure type just the middle ground between the avoidant and anxious types, and is it a safe characteristic that people choose as the most ideal partner?
Especially since I am in an age where relationships change rapidly, these thoughts seem to make my head even more complicated. I think all I can do is do what I want to do now, trust my intuition, and do my best for those around me.
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정재원
241215
Can reason exist without emotions?
As we are nearing the end of the semester, all the classes have now ended. If I had to pick the most memorable class for me this semester, it would definitely be cognitive neuroscience. This class, taught by Professor Jaeseung Jeong, was about various cognitive processes of humans, and I would like to share the most impressive content among them. It was 'Does reason really come before emotion?'
The professor criticized the popular MBTI, saying that reason and emotion are not conflicting concepts that deal with each other's size within a total of 100, but rather that they are each other's catalysts. In particular, the book 'Social Animal' that I read at the professor's recommendation included a passage that said that people who are emotionally dull and lack empathy are actually unable to make rational judgments, which was memorable.
I used to believe that in order to achieve a goal, emotional and instinctive desires should be put aside as much as possible, but this book opened up a new perspective that suppressing emotions too much can actually hinder rational judgment. As I meet people with various perspectives, needs, and tendencies these days, it was a time for me to once again remember how essential emotions are to humans.
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정재원
241208
The importance of the environment
As the exam period approaches, I am realizing the importance of the environment. It seems that each person has an environment that suits them. Just as some people can concentrate better in a noisy cafe and others can concentrate better in a quiet library, each individual has different preferences for the environment in which they can concentrate and the time they can maintain concentration. (I recently conducted a study on this, so it seems particularly relevant. In short, the research results show that people with low concentration tend to concentrate better in noisy environments and people with high concentration tend to study better in quiet environments. Since I am currently busy with exams, I will share the details later.) I think I am in the process of finding an environment that suits me. Originally, I didn’t want to miss out on socializing with people or studying, so I used to study with someone, but I realized that I am the person who can concentrate best when I am alone and in a quiet place. And I realized that making choices that go against my preferences will only lead to bad results, such as not being able to do my best for the people at that moment and not being able to study efficiently. I think it's time for me to understand my tendencies, realize that I can't carry everything, and empty my mind.
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정
정재원
241201
These days, so many things happen in a short period of time that it’s hard to tell them apart. What I’ve come to realize again these days is that there are so many precious and good people around me. My parents always send me solid text messages of support and try to take care of me even just a little bit more, and there are many angelic friends around me who are always willing to help me out and don’t expect anything in return. When my computer broke down, when I had a mental breakdown, when I burst into tears out of the blue, there were so many people who readily helped me, comforted me, and helped me out without expecting anything in return. It’s truly a stroke of luck that these people are in my life. Teachers I met at GESS suddenly contacted me to buy me a meal, and friends who are working on a startup at Seoul National University contacted me to ask me to help them promote their business at KAIST. I believe that human relationships are not balanced in a 1:1 relationship, but rather that a virtuous cycle is maintained in a cycle of giving and receiving favors at the moment when they are needed.
I want to be someone who is worthy of their favors, and who can readily extend favors to them when I have the time and they are in dire straits. I want to do it without feeling sorry for it, and without even thinking about getting anything in return.
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정재원
241124
Between fatigue and a new start,
It's been a series of really crazy busy days. I can only sleep for 3 hours a day and have to do important interviews during that time. I'm sure I can do it. But I'm really exhausted. Mentally and physically. I'd like to write about the details next week when I overcome this busy period and have fun.
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정재원
241117
Discovering myself by doing things I've never done before.
I think I've been doing a lot of things I don't do these days. I've been putting off things I should do with the excuse of reading, feeling anxious, acting childish to my mom, just staring blankly, and even petting a cat in front of the art gallery. I've always been skeptical of people who raise stray cats, but when I pet a cat, I feel an incredible sense of happiness, and I've realized that I've been overly ignoring the joy of physical contact.
Also, because things weren't going well, I was so frustrated that I just kept walking and cried. I think I had an intense(?) week like someone who had entered puberty late.
But I believe that this too shall pass.
Even in the midst of all this, I believe that if I do my best and am loyal and faithful to those around me, I will be able to get to where I want to go someday.
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정
정재원
241110
The anxiety of wondering if I am living in vain..
These days, I feel like I'm living every day as if it were my previous life because I've been so busy with so much. Monday, when I went to MT and met up the next day to have a drink and have fun, Ashley, who I went to talk to with my professor and teaching assistant, my close friend's birthday and dinner, my first guitar lesson with the help of a friend, a piano recital that my close senior prepared for a long time, and the first SPACK ideathon yesterday and today. It seems like it was a really fulfilling and fun week, but it's sad that I don't remember even a week after it passes because I'm caught up in my daily life and things to do. As time goes by, I'll forget more things and live.
I sometimes feel extremely anxious and restless because I think I'm wasting my life and time. So I contact my friends pointlessly, and on the contrary, I multitask inefficiently. When I look back on my emotional state when I'm tearing my hands off, I think it's mostly because I think, 'I'm wasting my time right now.' And this thought is mainly deepened through 'comparison.' Someone is younger than me but has written several papers. Someone is in several clubs and conducts individual research. Someone speaks four languages. I'm blinded by other people's shining strengths and abilities and keep whipping myself. It's a repetition of daily life. The problem is that I feel this sense of inferiority no matter what I'm doing right now. It's not when I'm resting while watching Reels or Shorts, but when I'm working hard on something right now, and I always feel out of breath and restless. Even while doing one thing, I keep thinking about the next thing I have to do and obsess over finishing this quickly. Of course, that's why my efficiency is the best, and I get a lot of compliments from others because of this efficiency. But I actually felt like I was being too much to myself.
Through this exchange of Sulkapo, I met many wonderful people, and this time, instead of comparing myself, I looked back on my own excessiveness. It doesn't seem easy to be more generous to myself. However, like this heart-felt article that steadily accumulates week after week, I think that when I look back someday, I will find myself to have changed a lot.
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정
정재원
241103
A smart way to manage anger.
As the title says. What are some smart ways to manage anger? Actually, the word 'anger' may sound a bit strong, but what I'm feeling right now as I prepare for the exchange is definitely anger. All the programs are set to the US time zone, so I have to hurry up and do the paperwork during busy times, and the remittance is also set to the US, so I have to go through the hassle of visiting the bank in person several times, and of course there are mountains of things to do, but the institution does not provide proper guidance.
Also, at the moment I am writing this, there is a power outage, so I can't print necessary documents, work on the computer, or even shower properly. I was using a spare battery, but as if Murphy's Law had taken effect, it suddenly broke and my computer's power went out. When I feel frustrated and helpless like this and feel like I can't do anything, how do I resolve it?
I have mostly relieved it through exercise, but the reality is that there are many moments when I cannot exercise right away. That is where my compulsive hand-biting disorder began. It is a bad habit that many people around me feel sorry for. Even though I know it, I feel sorry for myself for not being able to easily change the habit, and the vicious cycle of hand-biting repeats. If there are people reading this, I wonder what their own methods are for relieving anger and stress 'right now'.
((Actually, as I write this review, I'm worried that I might seem like a paranoid patient who is under a lot of stress and suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder. Haha. Most of all, I'm having a good time. However, I'm writing this because I'm busy with dormitory fees and visas, and the electricity, which is the most important element for modern people, has been cut off, so I'm experiencing extreme short-term stress.
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정
정재원
241027
Actually, this week has been so crazy and busy that I can't even think of anything worth looking back on. However, since it's exam time and I have a lot to do, I definitely feel unhappy and empty because I've put off the things I want to do. But I consoled myself that it was a good thing in the long run because I was able to look back on what behaviors I deprive myself of in my daily life and make me unhappy.
First of all, I think there are three things that make up my happiness: food/sleep/exercise/friends. Certainly, I am a person who feels great happiness from eating delicious food and lives. However, at the same time, I dislike food that is stimulating and makes me feel unwell, so even the process of thinking about what to eat later makes me feel good. I realized that I feel happiness from eating what I want to eat and where I want to eat.
As for sleep, I seem to get very unhappy when my sleep is interrupted. Fortunately, my roommate is very considerate and quiet, so I haven't felt like my sleep was interrupted much this semester.
In the case of exercise, I usually relieve stress through exercise and enjoy interacting with others, so if I don't do it, I feel a relatively greater sense of deprivation and feel like I'm 'tingling'. I don't know how much I wanted to go play table tennis during this exam period.
Lastly, friends. I am not the type to blindly like someone. When I am with someone, if I see something that bothers me or something I don't like, I get quite stressed just by being with that person, so I used to think that it would be better to stay in my room and do something I want to do. However, I think I have changed this way of thinking. I am very strict and picky with myself, so I think I have been applying similar standards to others while consciously telling myself not to be like that. I realized that if I saw someone who was even a little bit morally wrong or lazy, I thought it was a waste of time to be with that person, so I tried not to see them. However, I am trying not to do that anymore.
Looking at the elements of happiness above, the common thing they need is 'time'. You have to take the time to go eat delicious food, secure enough sleep time, secure time for exercise, and even the time when you meet friends and just sit around blankly without saying anything should be spent leisurely. I'm a person who is very goal-oriented, so I think I've been living without giving myself much time, but from now on, I'm going to consciously try to spend a little more time on one activity.
Then, I think I can savor the time I spend with someone, the time I work, the time I study, all of those times a little more, and do those activities. If all activities are something I have to do quickly in order to quickly do the next activity, what is the point of doing them? From now on, I will try to fix my impatient personality and my habit of being overly obsessed with efficiency. I will consciously look at the clock less, look at the calendar less, and become someone who looks around a little more.
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정재원
241020
When did another week pass by? I feel each and every one of them clearly, savoring them, each and every day, each hour, each minute, each second. This week, as expected, was exam period, so I was busy studying.
In the meantime, let's summarize the big event that happened. Our family suddenly headed to Singapore. My father unexpectedly got his second overseas assignment. So, my family, excluding me, plans to stay in Singapore for 4 years, and maybe 6 years until my younger sibling finishes their college entrance exams. I was quite shocked at first because I received the notice via KakaoTalk. But it was a happy shock. Living in a foreign country always makes my heart flutter, and I was especially happy that my younger sibling could enjoy the international school life that I enjoyed.
What I realized anew is that the saying, "I might die tomorrow" is true. No one knows the future. There are only probabilistically high and low-probability scenarios. So, even if it's foolish and pathetic, I thought that I needed to pursue what I wanted and live a little more enjoying the present. Since no one knows the future, I thought that living a little more enjoyably doing what I want to do might be the whole point of life.
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정
정재원
241013
Every time I write a note, I feel like I'm realizing how quickly a week goes by. I think I've reached a point where I can't tell if a certain time is long or short. As I go to New York University as an exchange student, meet new people, and get separated from people I used to know, I think I'm thinking a lot about time.
The biggest event this week was probably going to Jeju Island with NYU exchange students and the second batch of seniors. Since the school paid for all the expenses, the only expense I had in Jeju Island was 2,000 won to buy water. I had a hard time writing the report on Friday, but I think it was a meaningful time.
This week, I think I've been thinking a lot about how much I should depend on others, how much I should express myself, and how I should spend my time apart and when I'm together. I feel young at 21, so I want to embrace myself, but I also feel sorry for myself for not being able to experience and be wise enough at this age. I think that's the age I am in, my early 20s. Among the academic schedule that passes by quickly and the countless relationships that pass me by, it's my job to make choices, make efforts, and take responsibility for them. I wonder what kind of expression my distant future self will make when he looks at my choices today. Even if I regret it, I hope I don't hate my young judgment at 21 too much.
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정재원
241006 Heart Reflection
This week also seemed to have passed by very quickly and without much thought. I had a total of two sports competitions, one was the Chungcheong regional table tennis competition and the other was the KAIST swimming competition. I think I was able to get satisfactory results in both, and it was an experience that will remain as a happy memory.
If there is one thing I have felt under the interest of exercise, it is that I need to give myself enough time. (In fact, the purpose of Simji seems to be to build a system by sharing each other's stories, but today's review will probably be a little more biased toward what I felt.)
Until now, I have always been optimized for whipping myself, perhaps because of my somewhat impatient personality. This personality trait has often brought me further (I was able to have many experiences during my college years while living a hectic life), but on the other hand, it has caused me to constantly feel severe stress, impatience, and the thought that I am inadequate.
While talking about coding with a friend I met a while ago, I heard this advice: 'You have to admit that everyone has a hard time and is clumsy at first. You are human, so it will be hard at first. But don't forget to start slowly and give yourself enough time. If you give yourself enough time, you can do anything. And when you look back after you've accomplished everything, the fact that you accomplished it will be more important than how long it took you.'
After listening to my friend's story and thinking about it, I realized that I had been so focused on immediate results that I had not given myself enough time to really learn and savor something. I promised myself that from now on, I would be more considerate, understanding, and loving toward myself, and that I would give myself more time to enjoy the learning that comes with being in my 20s. Even though I had only changed my mindset, I felt my heart become lighter and I felt less afraid to start something. I thought that perhaps leisure is the greatest gift that someone who loves themselves can give themselves.
I look forward to seeing how much greater fruit my life will bring in the future as I decide to give myself the gift of time.
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정재원
I swim alone at the school pool as a hobby, and I once received a call from the school swimming club, Gaori, asking me to participate in a swimming competition. I think it was because I contacted them through DM, but they were a little slow to respond, and in the meantime, I received an offer from another team and joined that team. After class with the swimming team, we all took the time out of our busy schedules to practice swimming. Also, this weekend, I’m going to a table tennis competition (I’m almost a physical education student, hehe), so I practiced hard while getting close tutoring from my club members. I think my skills are improving quickly because there’s someone who definitely corrects my posture and teaches me the right strategies.
It would be nice if there was a platform that connected people with sports interests at school.
I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to add a column like this to apps like ETA. That way, communication would be faster and teams could be quickly secured for sports that require teams.
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