Why is that person doing this to me? If you feel like
Haebom
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The hierarchy of disagreement proposed by Paul Graham , the ancestor of American startups, in 2008 is a good indicator of the level of conflict the other person is approaching me with when there is friction with someone.
The claim that the higher the hierarchy of disagreement, the less mischievous and happier it makes us.
The higher the level of conflict, the more difficult it is to meet in reality.
Name-calling, the lowest level of conflict of opinion, is no different from simple insults → should be avoided
Step 1, Name-calling: Simple insults or swear words - I've used them in a sanitized way.
"Hey, you idiot!"
"You don't know anything!"
"You're just an idiot!"
Stage 2, ad-hominem: Insulting the speaker's character or authority rather than the substance of the argument.
"You're too young to know anything."
"You're just a student, you don't understand anything."
"You are too poor to do anything."
Step 3: Responding to tone: criticizing the tone rather than the substance of the argument.
"Why are you yelling like that?"
"Why are you so angry?"
"Why are you so aggressive?"
Step 4, Contradiction: There is little or no evidence to support the statement of the refutation.
"No, that's not true."
"That's wrong."
"That's not right."
In fact, most people don't get past level 4. From level 5 onwards, it can be considered a healthy conflict of opinions.
Step 5, Counterargument: Negate and support it with appropriate reasoning and evidence.
"I don't agree with that opinion." + evidence
"I can present evidence to refute that claim." + Evidence
"I can offer an alternative to that claim." + Evidence
Step 6, Refutation: Find where the mistake is and explain why it is a mistake using multiple citations.
"That claim is false." + logic
"That claim is flawed." + logic
"That claim is not correct." + logic
Step 7: Refusing the Central Point: Explicitly refute the central point.
"I clearly understand the core points of the argument and can unravel them right away."
"I disagree with your argument, I know what the issues are and I can offer an alternative."
"I can present evidence that refutes the central point of that claim."
Step 7 is about removing conflicting parts neatly and accurately. Such people are also valuable socially.
If someone is being mean to me, I'll see what stage they're at. And then maybe it'll be better for my mental health if I move on to a better stage, or accept it, or avoid it... I don't know.
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