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My boyfriend is going out with his female junior manager

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  • Lumen
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My korean boyfriend M23 and I American F18 are in a relationship. We met online. I confessed my feelings first and he reciprocated. We have been together for barely a month. He is currently an inturn. He told me a few days ago that his jr.manager asked him for coffee. He said yes. I was very angry but he explained to me that it is normal in korean culture to go out with jr.managers. I was uneasy about the whole situation and I felt sick to my stomach the whole time. We talked and he told me that he let the girl know that he is in a relationship with a girl from the usa. And that she asked the basic questions like "how did you meet" "how long have you been together" okay, fine. I don't care. Today he texted me again saying that she invited him to eat dinner at her house Sunday night. I said absolutely fucking not. He said he won't go. Is this really normal? Someone with knowledge of korean work and dating culture please tell me.
Answer:
I completely understand your anxious and confused feelings as I read about your situation. Let me help clarify things a bit: In Korean workplace culture, it's quite common for seniors and juniors, or supervisors and subordinates, to build relationships by having coffee or meals together. There's often an atmosphere where interns or new employees find it difficult to decline such invitations from their seniors. However, "inviting someone to your home for a private dinner together" is likely more about building personal intimacy rather than typical workplace culture.
So your feelings of discomfort and anxiety were not excessive at all. In the early stages of a relationship, small things can feel magnified as you're not only navigating cultural differences but also building trust with each other. What's important is that your boyfriend already respected your feelings by clearly saying he "wouldn't go." This is a sign that he values your emotions.
The best thing you two can do at this stage is to acknowledge each other's cultural and value differences while honestly sharing your feelings. When you say "this kind of situation makes me anxious" and he explains "I just saw this situation as work-related," neither of you is wrong - you're simply different. Understanding this can make your relationship healthier.
Your anxiety was justified, and his choice showed consideration for you, so this incident can actually become an opportunity to build deeper trust and communication in your relationship.
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